Lads, What’s Next? Creating Space for Men to Talk
When students graduate, they often lose more than a routine – they lose community.
Clubs, flat mates, and built-in campus support can fade away, leaving many men adrift just as life is supposed to ‘start’.
For Christchurch’s Matthew Steans, addressing that gap has become his life’s work.
Image source: Matthew Steans
Steans is the founder of The Yarns Men, a charitable foundation built on a simple mission: to spark honest yarns and foster connection for working-age men.
“The myth that guys don’t know how to talk – they do," Steans said. “They’ve just forgotten, or it’s not the right environment.”
That environment is what The Yarns Men set out to build.
Monthly “It’s Good to Yarn” meetups bring men together over food and beer (or soda), with guest speakers sharing lived experiences of resilience and mental health.
The real focus, though, isn’t therapy – its conversation.
“We’re not counsellors,” Steans said. “We’re men who care. It’s about creating the right conditions for people to feel comfortable enough to talk.”
It’s a lesson he learnt the hard way.
Years ago, Steans experienced a series of personal crises – a relationship breakdown, witnessing a suicide and losing a close friend soon after.
“That set me off on a crusade to do something about it,” he said.
His background in corporate consulting didn’t offer answers, but a book launch did.
“I became fascinated by that, helping people feel seen, valued and heard.”
Since then, The Yarns Men have reached more than 185,000 people through events, workshops and podcasts.
Their ethos is simple: Be a good bugger. Real talk, no bull. It takes guts to be real.
For guest speaker Jack Brent, who will share the stage this month with his father, Jono, the kaupapa resonates deeply.
Image source: Jack Brent
“As a student myself, the biggest challenge men face is feeling like we have to struggle in silence or ‘man up’,” Brent said. “Breaking that stigma is essential.”
Brent believes spaces like The Yarns Men are critical once men leave university.
“When you’re studying, there’s support everywhere, groups like Lads Without Labels are doing awesome things. But after uni, it’s easy to feel like that support disappears. The Yarns Men provide the bridge.”
That bridge connects gerations of men learning, or relearning, how to open up.
“Guys talk best side-by-side,” Steans said.
“There’s generally a shared activity, after that, the real conversations happen naturally.”
He’s also clear that The Yarns Men isn’t about crisis management or buzzwords like “suicide prevention.”
Instead, it’s about preventing the isolation that can lead there.
“We can do more mental health without talking about suicide,” Steans said. “Just spark good yarns and foster connections.”
Brent hopes that after sharing his story, men realise they’re not alone.
“The best thing you can always do is talk to someone” he said.
For Steans, the goal is simple, and ultimately self-destructive.
“When everyone’s healthy, happy, and connected, and they know how to have a good yarn,” he smiled, “there’s no reason for [The Yarns Men] to exist.”