Different Families, Different Futures – A Look into Cultural Expectations

Photo: McMullin, M. (n.d.) Italian Houses. Dupe.

 Driving around Christchurch recently, I can’t help but notice the number of retirement villages. Just when I think I’ve found a suburb that lacks a Ryman, Bupa or Summerset, I come across a building site proclaiming a retirement village will open within the next six months. Surely there are already enough retirement villages. Surely this tiny piece of land next to the motorway can remain as grass and trees. Surely the average demographic of Christchurch isn’t quite as elderly as it appears to be. 

My extended family are from Asia, and over the years I’ve spent travelling back and forth, I’ve concluded family models just exist differently around the world. Where we put our elderly grandparents in retirement villages, Asian families will continue to care for their elderly dependents until they pass away. According to Karina Martinez-Carter, journalist for The Week, this culture has much to do with ancient belief systems, respect and the prioritisation of the family unit, something that is often overlooked in “Western cultures [that] tend to be youth-centric, emphasizing attributes like individualism and independence”. 

But the differences don’t stop at how we treat our elderly. The roles and expectations placed on every member of the family unit, from children to teenagers, from parents to grandparents, shift dramatically depending on where you are in the world. In many Asian households, the family operates as a collective and decisions are made with the wellbeing of the group in mind, not the individual. In contrast, countries like New Zealand, Australia, the UK and the US tend to emphasise personal choice, self-discovery and independence. These values shape everything, from when we move out of home, to what we study, who we date and how we imagine our futures. 

This becomes especially clear when you look at students. In New Zealand, university attendance is encouraged in most homes. A survey conducted by Universities New Zealand discovered that out of 1,000 parents of students aged 11–18 years, 86% were encouraging their children to attend university. Most parents tell their children to do what they enjoy, choose what they’re good at and find their passion. The underlying assumption is young people will eventually land on a path that feels right for them. 

In many Asian cultures, the expectations are totally different. Education is a family investment involving sacrifice, and often the primary pathway to upward mobility and whole family success. This is where the stereotype of Asian parents wanting their children to become doctors, lawyers or engineers comes from. It’s not simply about bragging rights, it’s about stability, security and honouring the work previous generations put in. When your parents uprooted their lives, crossed borders, and rebuilt everything from scratch, choosing a “risky” or “creative” career can feel like a waste of that effort.  

Other cultures have their own dynamics. A study published by the University of Connecticut found in Latino families, many students feel obligations that prevent them from attending university, with social goals like starting a family or finding a romantic partner taking priority. They note “the need to be respectful to elders, an aspect of ser buen educado, may lead adolescents to do what their family thinks is best, rather than pursue their own goals”. In some Middle Eastern and South Asian households, daughters face expectations around marriage and childbirth that influence their education. In parts of Europe, students are encouraged to take gap years and travel or work before committing to a degree. There are many different definitions of what a “successful” young adult looks like. 

Even the coordination of student life vary wildly. In New Zealand, the first-year hall experience is often framed as a rite of passage, but 1News reports halls are becoming increasingly unaffordable for “…first in family, Māori, Pacific, and other minority groups…”, creating a divide between those who can access the ‘classic’ student experience and those who can’t. 

For many people, I know living in the halls is something we would have liked to experience, but simply couldn’t make work, due to family obligations, work commitments and the financial burden. 

In the UK, The Conversation comments one third of all students are living in their parents’ home or their own home. Australia has the highest rate of students choosing to live at home in the world, with people preferring to stay with their parents or partners rather than move into halls. In many Asian countries, living at home throughout university is the norm, not the exception. It’s practical, economical and culturally expected. Independence is not measured by how far you move away, but by how well you contribute to the household. 

Overall, the roles of each member of the family unit are not universal. They’re shaped by history, economics, migration, religion and what people believe a “good” life looks like.